At 38 weeks pregnant, Friday
morning of Sept. 5th was just another typical day for me. Brian and I had just moved out to Ivins one
week before and things were finally starting to get settled. Thanks to the help
of Brian’s siblings, we were able to get all our stuff moved in and unpacked
within the week. Since we were so close to our “due date”, I had a sense of
urgency to get everything cleaned and ready before baby made his arrival.
Everyone always has lots of opinions for pregnant women, and it is no different
when it comes to due dates. Many people had told me that my due date would come
and go and I’d still be pregnant, so I played along and always said I knew that
would probably be the case. However, I always had this feeling that Eli would
come around the 8th or sometime before our due date, which was the
18th of September. Every day,
I made sure to do all the dishes, clean the sink, and tidy up the house…just in
case Eli happened to come.
Since Brian and I had just moved,
we didn’t have much food at our house on Friday morning, so I went up the
street to the parents’ house to eat a bowl of cereal. As I sat there eating, I
decided to make a grocery list and include some freezer meals to prepare in
advance while I still had some time. Michael was home for the morning, so I
stayed to hang out for a bit and watch “Guilt Trip” with him. I was feeling,
well, like a 38 week pregnant woman feels—so it was nice to just relax.
I had a hard time mustering the motivation to
leave, but my friend Brook had just given birth to her baby so I decided to go
visit her and see how she was doing. When I got to her house, I was kind of
hungry and not feeling good, so I didn’t stay longer than probably an hour. By
the time I walked out the door, Brian had gotten off work a little early and I
felt like I wouldn’t be able to make it all the way home without going to the
bathroom. After 9 months of taking Zofran for morning sickness, it had become
normal to be a little “backed up” all the time. So if there were ever times when
I felt the urge to go to the bathroom, I knew to take advantage of it as
quickly as possible.
By the time I finally made it home,
I walked in the door, greeted Brian as fast as I could, and waddled to the
closest bathroom. Unfortunately, I thought I had waited too long because all
the sudden I got the worst stomach and back pains and I could not go to the
bathroom for the life of me. Usually if
I can’t go to the bathroom I call it quits and that’s that. But I felt like I
just had to get rid of the intense pressure I felt (and would continue to feel for
another 25+ hours). I doubted I was in labor, but decided to text my sister
just to see what she thought. At 3:15pm,
“I really feel like I might be in labor. There’s just a lot of pressure and I
feel really hot and sick and like I’m going to die.” She instantly called me
and said that it could definitely be labor, but maybe to try an enema and see
what that did for me and then to keep her updated. I told her I’d keep her updated and if I was
feeling better, maybe we could all go on a double date for dinner later that
night. Looking back, it’s funny to think
that I said that now.
Brian had been mostly asleep when I
walked in the door previously, so after about half an hour he woke up and
wondered where I was. By the time he
came in to the bathroom, I had stripped off all my clothes because I felt so
overheated and just not good. I kept complaining about all this pressure and Brian
suggested maybe I was in labor? All I could think about was the fact that we
had no food and I didn’t have all the stuff on our list of things to have ready
for the birth. The biggest thing on the list that I was worried about was
ammonia. I refused to believe that I was in labor, because not everything was
“just so”. But really, is it ever?! Not
to mention, I was supposed to do four people’s nails and had brought home all
the nail stuff to do it. I kept telling
Brian that I was probably just really constipated and all I’d eaten that day
was a bowl of cereal, so that was probably contributing to it. He wasn’t really
buying it, so he suggested that I go take a bath to try and help me feel
better. Once I got into the warm bath, my back felt so much better. I wasn’t
timing contractions because I was in denial, but Brian says they were 5 minutes
apart. I just told myself that I was having stomach and back pains that ebbed
and flowed…they couldn’t possibly be
contractions. Not when I still had ammonia to buy, freezer meals to make, and
nails to do. Nope, no possible way.
So I sat in my eucalyptus bubble
bath and tried to relax, but it was pretty much impossible. The biggest reason
why is because I was just SO hot. Brian kept getting me ice cold rags to put on
my forehead, but I would just heat them up within a couple minutes. He called
Cyndi and told her what was going on and she said it sounded like labor; she
was picking up some stuff at Costco, so she decided to drop it off at her house
(which is close to us) and then head over. Cyndi showed up around 5:30 and she
seemed pretty convinced that I was in labor too. April was called and she said
she’d come over after they finished going out to dinner because we weren’t in a
huge rush yet. Brian had also called his mom to ask her if she could bring me some
food; she showed up, around 6:30ish, while I was in the bath to see what else we
wanted to eat that she could bring besides the jimmy johns and smoothie she’d
brought. I remember I felt like I was so incredibly hungry, but absolutely
nothing sounded good. She kept suggesting stuff and all I could settle on was a
smoothie because I was just so hot (all I ended up eating during labor were 2
strawberries and some of that smoothie, it was a lifesaver).
Being in labor should be considered
its own time zone. Time can either feel like a lifetime or hours can feel like
minutes. It was so long that I hardly remember specific times at all and
everything is kind of a blur. I remember moments and then hours pass that were
simply contractions and that’s all I remember.
A little while after Cyndi and
April showed up, I got out of the tub and changed into a nightgown. Cyndi
checked me and I was at a 3, then I spent the next few hours on my bed just
trying to get through contractions. April asked if it would help to watch The
Office as a distraction, so we decided to give that a try and she pulled it up
on her phone. Between contractions, it
was kind of fun to lay there on the bed with April and Brian as we watched The
Office. It was the episode where Pam is in labor, but she refuses to go to the
hospital because she’s not ready. I had experienced almost the exact same
meltdown to Brian while I was in the tub, so it was a fitting episode. However,
when Pam started crying about not being ready and etc , I started bawling
because I just felt so bad for Pam and the pain she was in. I remember April
and Brian telling me that it’s just a show and Pam is just an actor, but I just
felt so bad for her. We only made it through half of that episode, and then we
had to turn it off because I couldn’t focus between contractions.
Sometime around 8pm or so, I was
feeling really nauseas and sick. I asked for a pot because I thought I was
going to be sick and they brought it just in time. As I threw up any water that
had been in my system, I had also felt like I was going to the bathroom at the
exact same time and I couldn’t control it coming out no matter how hard I
tried. By the end, our bed was completely covered and everyone got excited
because they thought my water had broken. Cyndi took a little test strip thing
and tested it, and we all just assumed it had to be my water breaking because
it really was so much fluid. I was
excited because up until that point, my labor had been progressing pretty
slowly. At my 38 week appt the day before, Cyndi had checked me and I was at a
2. Then when she showed up on Friday, I was at a 3. Later that night I was at a
4 and that’s pretty much how it went until Saturday around 2pm. So when we
thought my water broke, we were all excited—hoping the pressure of Eli’s head
without the water would now speed up the process a bit. Unfortunately, little
did we know that we were still in it for the long haul.
Between 11pm-1am, we were all
getting really tired and I was starting to get a little discouraged. Brian was literally the BEST birth partner in
the entire universe. He stayed with me the entire time and only went to the
bathroom twice throughout the entire 26 hours. I can’t imagine how hard it
would be to see someone you love be in pain for 26 hours and to stay right
there and encourage them the entire time; but he did exactly that and held it
together like a champ. I love him so much. He was pretty exhausted though, so
at this point Brian had fallen asleep sitting up on the bed, and April was lying
behind me rubbing my back, half asleep, while everyone else was in the front
room getting some zzzz’s.
As labor progressed, I got a lot
better at working through the contractions. Heck, by the end I would say I was
pro at working through those contractions. Yet for the first few hours, I really
fought them and didn’t even fully believe I was in labor—I think that actually
made matters worse for me. I had major back labor and each contraction brought
on a lot of back pain mixed with what can best be described as the worst
menstrual cramps I’ve ever had. For most of Friday night, I got through each
contraction with a low moan mantra of “owwwwww…..owwwwww…” Probably not the best phrase to pick, but
it’s just what came out in the early stages. As April and I laid there, she
suggested that instead of saying “owww,” rather with each contraction I picture
my cervix opening and that I say “open” instead. It took a couple tries to make
the change, but that was a turning point for me. Somehow it really did help me
to get through the pain and to focus on the positive thought of my cervix
opening for Eli to come.
The rest of the world slept while
hours of contractions came and went. I was so exhausted and so hungry, each
contraction took all of my focus and I tried my best to not let myself think
about times that were coming or the time that had past. One of the best things
I learned to do in labor was simply focus on one contraction at a time. It was
around 3am and everyone was in the front room resting, while Brian and I were
working through each contraction in our room. Tired and needing some
motivation, I stood up and walked a lap to the kitchen and back, stopping at
the nursery to look inside. It was so encouraging to see Eli’s crib and picture
him sleeping there. Sitting on one of the shelves was the book “Love is You and
Me”; we had bought it 9 months before to tell Brian’s family the news that we
were pregnant. I grabbed the book and headed back into our room to lie on the
bed and read it. Lying there reading that book with Brian reading it over my
shoulder—all I could think about was Eli
and how much I loved him already. I couldn’t wait to meet him and see what he
looked like. Tears were silently streaming down my face by the time I closed
the last page of the book; I looked up to see that Brian was crying too and I
knew he was having the same thoughts that I was. That was one of my favorite
and most sacred moments during the entire birth between Brian and me; most of
the time there were multiple people helping us in the room, and I am so grateful
that they were there too. Yet, I will never forget the sacred spirit that was
there between Brian and me as we read that book together. It was the perfect
pick me up that we both needed at 3am that day.
Morning came and everyone was hungry so some of
them went and picked up breakfast. I ate 2 strawberries and that was all I
could even consider swallowing. While everyone was eating, Brian and I were in
our room with Cyndi, who was taking some notes and checking on Eli. In the
weeks before, Brian and I had discussed ideas and things we wanted or thought
might help during labor. We had decided that Brian would give me a blessing,
and up until this point he had suggested it a couple of times and I had wanted
one—but then I would have a contraction and we would forget or someone would
check me with the Doppler, so we hadn’t done it yet. April was walking out to
the hall and she said, “You’ve given her a blessing right?” Brian stated he
hadn’t yet, so we decided to do it right then as I laid there. It was just me,
Brian and Cyndi—and I Just felt really at peace and during the blessing and
Brian said that everything would work out. We are glad that Cyndi was there,
because towards the end of labor things got kind of exciting and later she told
us that she knew things would be ok because of the blessing Brian had given me.
Typically, Cyndi doesn’t check
people unless they ask to be checked, or if they aren’t progressing and etc. I
am the kind of person that likes to know where I am at. Women don’t give birth
by numbers and by that I mean—you can jump from a 5-10 very quickly or you can
take all night to get from a 3-6…like I did. You just never know. Yet, I still
like to know the numbers and hear what’s going on. I kept hoping they would go
up when she checked and that’s why I kept asking—it was supposed to motivate
me. However, it was a pretty slow process until about noon or so on Saturday
when I asked Cyndi to check me once more.
As she was checking things out, she got a funny look on her face and
stated that she could feel forewaters. Not knowing what she meant by that, I
asked her and she told us all that my water hadn’t broken the night before
because she could still feel it. At every appt during my pregnancy, Cyndi had
always commented on how much fluid I had in my stomach—saying that it was a
lot. When she checked me I wondered if maybe I just had more fluid than other
people and it hadn’t all come out the night before. We decided to give it a
little more time and see what happened.
Around 1pm I could tell that Cyndi was ready
to check me again. I was dreading it for 2 reasons—1. Being checked is painful
2. When you are in labor the last
thing you want to do is lie on your back; talk about the worst position
ever. I asked Cyndi if it was time to
check me and she said yes it was, but that I could wait until I was ready and
in between contractions. When she checked me, I was right close to a 6 and she
asked if I wanted her to break my water. I always expected my water to just
break on its own and I never really thought I’d want someone to break it—it’s a
good cushion for the baby’s head and etc. At this point, however, it was
slowing down my dilation because Eli’s head couldn’t really push down on my
cervix. Not to mention the fact that I had been working hard in labor for about
22 hours. Without missing a beat, I told
her I wanted my water broken.
Having her break my water was a
really weird experience. Cyndi took what looked like a long chopstick, and used
it to “pop” my water essentially. It didn’t hurt at all; in fact, I didn’t even
feel a pop. It was more like a HUGE whoosh of water just came rushing out of
me, similar to the night before when I had been throwing up. Except this time
it was a lot more water, which I didn’t even think was possible. Before
breaking my water, Cyndi had prepared to have water come out—but even after
making preparations, it was more than anyone expected. I remember she kept
asking for more chucks and told everyone that she was drowning in all the
water. When it was all said and done, she told us it was about 3 gallons!
Between the weight of Eli and all that fluid, it’s no wonder I had to go to the
bathroom all the time while I was pregnant. After Cyndi broke my water, things
started to pick up.
After I got cleaned up from all the
fluid, Cyndi gave me some homeopathic beadlets that were supposed to regulate
my contractions. Before she broke my water, my contractions had been unusual
for the entirety of the labor. I would have “cluster” contractions, where I
would get a bunch of bad ones right in a row with essentially no breaks. Then
my body would give me rest to recuperate for a decent amount of time—at least a
couple of minutes, which was nice. Essentially, the beadlets had sugar and
something else (she said blue or black?), but I don’t remember. She put a bunch
under my tongue and I just let them dissolve for a couple of minutes.
A few
minutes after I took the beadlets, I started to have really strong contractions
and then resting periods, just like before—but they were at more regular
intervals and not clustered. One of the things that got me through all my
contractions the whole labor was telling myself that it would only last a
minute and that “this too shall pass.” Anyone can do anything for just a minute
or two, right? I especially had to remember this whenever I had a contraction
in the bathroom—which was every 5 contractions or so.
Contractions in the bathroom were
always the worst, because it was SO.MUCH. PRESSURE. I would have the urge to go to the bathroom
but sitting down was so painful, I could hardly do it. And it was just the URGE
to go to the bathroom, not the actual need. By the end, I would always end up
standing and using our towel rod for support as I leaned over and focused on my
“open” phrase. A little while after Cyndi gave me the beadlets, I headed to the
bathroom for another contraction but I couldn’t sit down. So while I leaned
over the towel rod, I just focused on trying to relieve the pressure that I
felt. I literally just felt like I had to have a BM, it didn’t seem like it was
time to start pushing but I wanted to anyway—mainly because I just wanted to be
done and have Eli here.
Brian was always with me every time
I went to the bathroom; each time he would encourage me and tell me how good I
was doing. This time, everyone else was just outside the door and they could
hear me kind of groaning/straining while I stood at the towel rod. Someone
opened the door and Lisa was standing there with the Doppler, ready to check on
Eli. Everyone said I looked like I was pushing and it was time to push. I got
kind of excited, but I didn’t really know if I believed them. When I asked her,
April had previously told me that pushing felt so good. This didn’t feel good, this hurt really bad and I didn’t
really have the urge to push—I more just wanted
to so we could get the show on the road.
Despite what I was thinking,
everyone else could tell that I was in the pushing stage. I made my way out of
the bathroom and leaned over the bed while another wave of pressure came on.
Lisa, the birth assistant, would do counter pressure on my hips a lot of the
time when I would have contractions, especially during this stage of pushing.
She tried to teach Brian how to do it and April gave it a couple of tries too,
but when I knew a bad one was coming on—I would directly ask for Lisa because
she was a pro at counter pressure. I don’t think I could have done it without
her (or anyone else on our birth team, really). The pushing stage took a lot
longer than I expected it to; people always talk about how they pushed three
times or something and then their baby came out. After an hour and seventeen
minutes of pushing, obviously that was not the case for me.
I tried many positions while
pushing. Leaning over the bed until my legs were shaking, hunched over a ball,
on my hands and knees, and squatting with Brian sitting in a chair behind
me/supporting my arms. My arms and legs were literally shaking after each
cluster of pushes. I would do about 3 pushes, and then my body would be completely
worn out so I would have to take a breather. When I first started pushing, it
took a little bit of getting used to.
The
first few pushes, I would just kind of moan really loudly and that was just how
I coped. Then Cyndi told me to take the energy from my mouth and push it down
to where the pressure was. The best way I can think of to describe it, is the
sound you make when you’re frustrated at someone and you make that sound in
your throat. And by then, I was a little frustrated with how long things were
taking. It was a good thing though, because that frustration gave me energy for
each push and it made me feel this stubbornness that I was going to get this
baby OUT. With certain pushes, Cyndi
would tell me that I was pushing beautifully, that it was my best push yet, or
that she could see him! A couple times, Brian would get excited with a push and
tell me that I was SO close to getting Eli around the curve to start crowning. It felt like forever though.
Each
time someone would give me those words of encouragement, I would think to
myself that maybe he was going to start crowning! Maybe this was it! Was he
coming? I knew that crowning meant he was close, so I kept asking over and over
again…”Is he crowning? Can you see him yet? Is he crowning??” Each time they
said no, it made me so frustrated because my body was tired and I was working
so hard. I wanted him to start crowning so badly. After trying multiple
positions, Cyndi suggested I get onto our bed. Since my body was really tired
from holding myself up, it was a welcome suggestion.
They
helped me onto the bed and Cyndi suggested I try lying on my side and pulling
one leg toward me while I push the next time. I wasn’t too keen on this idea,
because my legs were already cramping from exhaustion and my sister in law had
mentioned before that she wished she hadn’t have delivered her daughter lying on
her side, because it wasn’t that great of a position. However, I decided to try
it since Cyndi said it might help open things up a bit. After one or two tries,
everyone could tell that wasn’t a good position for me. I couldn’t really push
very well in that position and my leg would start cramping up so bad that I
would have to straighten it out almost immediately. While someone stretched my
leg for me, Cyndi suggested I try my back.
Pushing
while lying on my back also seemed like a really weird position to me. This was
mainly because it had been such an uncomfortable position to be in while I was
getting checked. Cyndi seemed positive about it so I decided to just trust her.
We propped my head up on some pillows and with each wave of pressure, Cyndi
told me to pull my legs toward me and push while making a C shape with my body.
After a couple of tries, I couldn’t pull my own legs toward me so someone had
to do counter pressure, which helped a ton because then I had some leverage to
push against. To my surprise, it was working! Cyndi was so excited that I was
getting some great pushes, I could hear it in her voice and Brian’s as they
encouraged me each time I pushed. Like a broken record, I just kept asking if
they could see him crowning. After what felt like forever, he finally did start
crowning.
No one
had to tell me when Eli started crowning. I knew.
Oh boy, did I know. It felt like the most intense burning/stinging/ripping I
have ever felt in the worst possible place to be feeling those things. I didn’t
have to ask Cyndi if he was crowning at that point. Instead I started yelling
at her to “GET him out! Get him out!!”
She told me I had to do this and she couldn’t take him out for me. I dug in my
heels and kept pushing as hard as I could through the pain. I was so tired
though, I needed a break. I wanted a break so badly. And then all of the sudden
everyone was yelling at me and everything swirled into a blur.
I had
no idea what was going on besides that everyone was telling me I needed to push
and push NOW. I could sense the urgency in Cyndi’s voice; I needed to push Eli
out right now because his head was stuck.
It was such a blur and words can’t even describe how I was feeling. It was the hardest, most intense, scariest
moment of my life. I know without a doubt that angels were there helping me to
do the impossible and my motherly instincts kicked into gear instantly.
Throughout the whole pushing stage, I had only
been able to do about 3 pushes before needing a break; because of the urgency
of the situation, this time had to be different. I dug in my heels for counter pressure again
and pushed as hard as I could for as long as I could. They kept telling me to
keep pushing, so I didn’t stop. I never screamed until this point, and it was
at this point during this final pushing series, that I screamed with every
fiber of my being. I had to get this baby out fast, no matter how bad it hurt. I
lost sense of anything besides pushing and screaming—and getting Eli out. All I
could focus on was getting him out and getting out of the pain that I was feeling.
I could feel Cyndi wrestling and trying to help position him to come out. April
was supposed to be taking pictures, but I needed to grab someone’s hand so I
yelled her name and reached for a hand—still pushing with everything that I had
left. This was by far the longest and most intense moment of my entire life.
Then finally, I felt Eli and who knows what else come out of me. It was the
weirdest feeling, but it felt so good. Somewhere to my right, in a subconscious
type of way, I could hear Brian’s voice shaking with emotion, “Lucy—our baby,
our baby.” I felt so distant and out of it, and then suddenly—the world went
quiet. My sister tells me that my eyes glazed over and I just mentally checked
out.
The next thing I remember hearing
is someone saying “thirty.” After this, it’s still kind of a blur. My mother in
law showed up at some point and sat in the corner. Someone helped me out of my
nightgown and Eli was placed on my chest.
I remember one of my first thoughts was that my baby was black. Did I
just have a black baby? How was that even possible? I couldn’t figure it out.
They were holding something up to his face, I think it was oxygen. Cyndi told me that I needed to push my
placenta out. All I could think about was that I didn’t want to have any pain
like the pain I’d just experienced, especially if I was holding Eli. I asked
Cyndi if delivering the placenta would hurt and she said it would be ok. I was
still really nervous about holding Eli while I did it, but it ended up being
fine. Right after that, Cyndi came over and started pushing really hard on my
stomach. I grabbed her hand and told her it was too much, she needed to stop.
She told me that I had blood clots and we needed to get them out. I didn’t even
have to push; when she put all that pressure on my stomach, I could feel the
blood clots coming out. Next thing I remember is being propped up onto some
phone books on the bed so I could get some stitches. The whole time I was so
nervous to hold Eli because I didn’t know if it would hurt, and if it did I
didn’t want to hurt him accidentally. I kept telling everyone that I didn’t
know if I should be holding him, but no one else seemed too worried about it.
Eli kept moving around and kicking me in the stomach while I was getting the
stitches. I didn’t really have the chance to enjoy holding him yet because
there was so much going on and I was kind of in a daze.
Finally things settled down a
little bit. They weighed Eli and he was an even 8 ounces. After that, I got to relax and watch as Brian
took care of Eli for the first time. Among other things, Lisa walked him
through putting on Eli’s diaper, getting him dressed, and swaddling him. I
loved being able to just sit and watch Brian and our son interact for the first
time; from pregnancy to being a wonderful birth partner to meeting Eli for the
first time—I am just so glad that Brian is Eli’s Dad.
By this time, it was getting later
in the evening and we had a little burst of energy from all of the recent
activities. I finally got my appetite back and Brenda brought us some Chili’s
to eat…those are probably THE best fajitas I’ve had in my life. It was so great
to be able to eat after not eating for so long during labor—getting IV’s just
didn’t cut it. Brian helped me take a shower and get cleaned up while they
cleaned our room and made up the bed with fresh sheets. Everyone ended up leaving
around 9 or so, giving Brian and I a chance to relax and enjoy the newest
member of our family. It was the
sweetest feeling to finally be able to rest and snuggle our sweet baby. After
26.5 hours of labor, Eli Brent Delwin Wilson was born at 5:28pm on Sept 6,
2014, at exactly 8lbs and 20.5in long—I can now say that labor truly is the
only blind date where you know you will meet the love of your life. Needless to
say, Brian and I adore Eli.
