"Pregnancy is great" they said. "I hardly had any symptoms!" they said.
There will be moments, hours, or even days where I will feel good and want to proclaim to the world that I'm better and I will never complain again! That's usually when reality sets in. Tonight, that meant puking out the car window while Brian pulled over quickly so that I could look like a drunk person on the side of the road. Then I lost whatever food was left in me 2 more times after we got home. Ahh...pregnancy is just...so glamorous.
Between feeling nauseated 24/7, having to lie down to feel decent, not being able to keep most foods down, and having to drop out of clinicals after working towards them for 3 years...it really starts to get to your head after awhile.
If you've never gone through this, there is no possible way for you to completely understand what it's like. But here's just a sample...
Remember what it's like to have a really bad flu?
You can't do anything. You're all shaky and lightheaded. And hungry from not eating anything all day. You hate the bathroom floor. A big reason why is that you just feel like you're going to die right there on that stupid old lineoleum.
Now imagine having that flu...every single day...for like, months at a time.
Welcome to my pregnancy.
If you're still reading at this point (I know this isn't the happiest of stories), I have learned a few things from this blessing disguised as a massive trial called pregnancy.
1. I can't wait to really enjoy eating food again. And keeping it down. Brian's Dad made ribs for dinner the other day, so everyone went over to Grandma's house to enjoy them. As we sat around the table, everyone made comments about how delicious it was and etc. as I tried my best to not stare their food down like I was going to pounce on it. Nothing is worse than being completely starving and literally having your mouth water, while sitting at a table full of people enjoying all sorts of delicious varieties of food. Let's just say, in these instances I have learned to hold back the tears...meaning: I only let people see my cry about that like, once a week.
2. People don't think you feel terrible if you're not in pajamas. There is something about pajamas that just makes it more believable to the human mind.
3. No matter how much you think you may know, you never know what people are going through. It makes me want to be so much nicer to people, because maybe they are going through something really hard but I just don't know about it. And on that note too, it makes me want to be wary of judging someone too quickly or too harshly...you just never know. So it's better to give them the benefit of the doubt.
4. I am thankful for modern medicine. And kind of dependent on it right now. I've never been one of those people that's like, "I can't leave the house without my meds!!" I've never even had meds to take, really. But then I got zofran. And it kind of saved me from curling into a ball and dying. Today, for the first time in months, I was able to go to church. It was so great! With zofran, I can at least function a little bit throughout the day and do some small things. Which to me, are big things right now. At the same time, the meds kind of freak me out and make me feel like an old person. I literally (ok, not LITERALLY) start having panic attacks if I leave the house without my zofran.I've always been a big advocate of exercise and healthy eating, but I'll say it again...I want to live a healthy lifestyle so I can hopefully avoid being too dependent of medicine as I age.
5. Pregnancy has taught me humility. I still stink at asking most people for help. One day, it took me about 30 minutes to ask Brian's brother to get me a cup of water. But I"m learning that it's ok. It's ok to cry out of pure joy when I'm at a restaurant and can enjoy some food. It's ok to be in my pajamas all day. It's ok to realize that I can't do everything...or really, much of anything at this point. Heck, let's be honest...if puking out the side of a car doesn't make ya humble, I DUNNO WHAT WILL.
But at least I'm growing a little person who is just waiting to come down from heaven to be tested and reunite with their family. On days when it's hard, that's what I try to remember and then, it's at least ok. Not necessarily enjoyable at this point, but...ok. And that is enough to get me through for now.
Between feeling nauseated 24/7, having to lie down to feel decent, not being able to keep most foods down, and having to drop out of clinicals after working towards them for 3 years...it really starts to get to your head after awhile.
If you've never gone through this, there is no possible way for you to completely understand what it's like. But here's just a sample...
Remember what it's like to have a really bad flu?
You can't do anything. You're all shaky and lightheaded. And hungry from not eating anything all day. You hate the bathroom floor. A big reason why is that you just feel like you're going to die right there on that stupid old lineoleum.
Now imagine having that flu...every single day...for like, months at a time.
Welcome to my pregnancy.
If you're still reading at this point (I know this isn't the happiest of stories), I have learned a few things from this blessing disguised as a massive trial called pregnancy.
1. I can't wait to really enjoy eating food again. And keeping it down. Brian's Dad made ribs for dinner the other day, so everyone went over to Grandma's house to enjoy them. As we sat around the table, everyone made comments about how delicious it was and etc. as I tried my best to not stare their food down like I was going to pounce on it. Nothing is worse than being completely starving and literally having your mouth water, while sitting at a table full of people enjoying all sorts of delicious varieties of food. Let's just say, in these instances I have learned to hold back the tears...meaning: I only let people see my cry about that like, once a week.
2. People don't think you feel terrible if you're not in pajamas. There is something about pajamas that just makes it more believable to the human mind.
3. No matter how much you think you may know, you never know what people are going through. It makes me want to be so much nicer to people, because maybe they are going through something really hard but I just don't know about it. And on that note too, it makes me want to be wary of judging someone too quickly or too harshly...you just never know. So it's better to give them the benefit of the doubt.
4. I am thankful for modern medicine. And kind of dependent on it right now. I've never been one of those people that's like, "I can't leave the house without my meds!!" I've never even had meds to take, really. But then I got zofran. And it kind of saved me from curling into a ball and dying. Today, for the first time in months, I was able to go to church. It was so great! With zofran, I can at least function a little bit throughout the day and do some small things. Which to me, are big things right now. At the same time, the meds kind of freak me out and make me feel like an old person. I literally (ok, not LITERALLY) start having panic attacks if I leave the house without my zofran.I've always been a big advocate of exercise and healthy eating, but I'll say it again...I want to live a healthy lifestyle so I can hopefully avoid being too dependent of medicine as I age.
5. Pregnancy has taught me humility. I still stink at asking most people for help. One day, it took me about 30 minutes to ask Brian's brother to get me a cup of water. But I"m learning that it's ok. It's ok to cry out of pure joy when I'm at a restaurant and can enjoy some food. It's ok to be in my pajamas all day. It's ok to realize that I can't do everything...or really, much of anything at this point. Heck, let's be honest...if puking out the side of a car doesn't make ya humble, I DUNNO WHAT WILL.
But at least I'm growing a little person who is just waiting to come down from heaven to be tested and reunite with their family. On days when it's hard, that's what I try to remember and then, it's at least ok. Not necessarily enjoyable at this point, but...ok. And that is enough to get me through for now.
